Wednesday, September 5, 2012
Relationships
You know whats hard? Seeing these couples out there happy as can be or seeing people finding someone to date even. I feel like I am such a loser or a loner. I don't know what to think anymore when it comes to dating or trying to find someone in this town. I see these people getting into relationships and some of them are cute and take it slow and others just jump into things so fast because its a new thing you just don't want to see anything happen due to being hurt in the past. Then there is me sitting here thinking it would be nice to find someone I could cuddle with, someone to go out on dates with, or someone who can make me smile. But then I start thinking to myself relationships are just a waste of time and they are overrated. Im so torn between the two worlds of thoughts in my head. I want it but then I dont and then I want it and then I dont. I find it hard in this town to find someone who isnt immature, a drinker, or he is good with you until he finds out you have a child. Its been two and a half years since ive been with anyone or even on a date with anyone. I know pathetic right? Sometimes I feel pathetic and other times I am glad because I've gotten to spend a lot of time with my son. Now I dont want you to think that im some weird and ugly girl that the guys avoid because I'm not. I've had potential guys and I think alright maybe we could date or something but then I come up with excuses. Oh well he is this or he does that and I dont like it. There really hasnt been a guy out there that has shown me anything special for me to try going out with. I just want to believe in love again or maybe I still believe in love but love has given up on me?
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Brandy, I know I don't really know you or have ever eventalked to you since High school, and I'm not trying to be a creep here, but I know exactly how you feel.
ReplyDeleteAfter my son was born Heather and I both made the decision to split up and raise Koda separately, and it has been the hardest decision I have ever made. She went on to marry one of my best friends, and I jumped into drugs and alcohol to drown my sorrows.
I missed Koda's first steps, and first words while Zac Allred took my place as father and husband to Heather. I tried to move on, and eventually got hurt so many times I gave up on love and dating for almost two and a half years.
The only person I wanted in this world was Heather and Koda by my side and I was too fearful to allow anyone else to get anywhere close to my heart.
It wasn't until I lost everything that I realized drugs, alcohol, and partying were the farthest things away from destiny. After that realization, I changed. I'm now the full time parent, dedicating my life to raising my son.
In this time of change, Heather and Zac got a divorce. Because I am the stable full time parent, I have shown to Heather that I am a lot more grown then I was five years ago and she is giving our love a second chance.
The reason I am writing you this letter, is because I wanted to let you know you are not alone. If you tell yourself love hurts too much, you will never allow anyone close enough to convince you otherwise. In other words, don't be fearful of being hurt again, because you might block your only shot.
Having a child with someone you love should be the only reminder of the past to how much you have grown. I cannot tell you what drives a father to give up on his son, but I can tell you there are better men out there. Just keep your head in the present moment, and have faith in your destiny. God has a funny way of making things work out in the long run.
Hope my words are relatable, -koby
Hey Koby thanks for those enncouraging words it really means a lot to me. Im so happy for you and heather are working out things. I wish someday I can find that love again and for some reason I really hope its my exhusband that will eventually come back to me when he truly figures out what he wants. But I think for now I am happy being single and spending this time with my son. It took me a long time to figure it out but I am working on me first before I start working on any type of relationship. So thank you for taking the time out to comment it was very encouraging and it truly meant a lot to me. :)
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